Face Palm Friday 10/21

Reader submitted:

* Note- I edit these a little bit, but have permission to do so.*

My biggest Face Palm? On my third or fourth date with the man who would become my first husband, we were at a nice restaurant and had just ordered dessert. For some stupid reason, we were feeding each other bites of dessert. I already had a mouthful, and my fork was just about at his mouth when the cake fell off of it and landed in his glass of water. It made me laugh so hard I started to choke, and I managed to cough some of my dessert on his face. He just sat there with gooey chocolate splattered on his face, sticking to his glasses and sliding down his cheek.  Nothing feels as glamorous as getting dressed to the nines for a romantic date at an expensive restaurant and spewing your food on your partner!  NOT!

 

** If you have a funny story you would like to share, use the contact form on the top right and email it to me. Nothing adult or with bad language, please :)**

Face Palm Friday 10/14

Today’s Face Palm happened to a family member who will remain unidentified :)

He had a car to sell and did all the normal cleaning/detail things, wax, tire black, shined chrome and a thorough dust and vacuum. When he was done, he felt that the worn fabric seats looked sad and old. Instead of purchasing seat covers, he decided to dye the fabric back to it’s original color. Smart, or so he thought. He bought some liquid fabric dye and “washed” the dye into the seats. It turned out really nice, and he sold the car for a nice price to a family with young kids. So far, so good. Until the day the father came over to his house, quite angry because his kids backsides’  had turned brown!  Yep, you guessed it…the fabric dye bled when it got wet. Can you imagine the commotion? I laugh just thinking about it! They worked it all out, but I do know for a fact that after that, seat-covers were used instead!!

Face Palm Friday 9/30

Well folks, I went an hour and 45 minutes out of my way last weekend just to bring you this week’s Face Palm. And my mom helped.We were out scouting antique stores and found ourselves in a little town with a whopping 960 people and several antique stores, and crop circles but that’s a different post. After visiting each, we noticed a thrift store and decided to stop before we left town. Unfortunately, the doors were locked so we peeked through the windows to get an idea of what we missed out on. My mom went around the side to check out another window. When she came back, she said there was a roomful of people. Hmm. Okay. We went back to the front to look for store hours, we found the building shared space with a community center. And then the door opened.

This woman came out and asked us if she could help us with anything? We explained we were just trying to see  what treasures lay inside. The she says”Well, we just wondered why you were looking through the windows at  my mom’s memorial service.”  Whoa. We were peeping tom’s at a memorial service? We left town and have no plans to return anytime soon.

Face Palm.

Face Palm Friday 9/15

**This week’s Face Palm is from a reader of Howard House. She had written to me about something else and we got to chatting. We were sharing goofy stories and when she sent this I thought I was going to have a tummy ache forever I laughed so hard. Plus, it’s really a twofer because there are two Face Palm’s in it.  Enjoy!** I changed it a tiny bit to get rid of abbreviations and to keep it family friendly** I forgot to add that she said I could share this.. LOL*

When me and my husband had been married for a few years it came up that he had to go away for a week for work.  His mom and dad agreed to keep the kids so I could go with him. I went shopping for some pretty lingerie *edited here* and a new swimsuit for the hotel pool. I bought one of those swimsuits that were popular then. The kind that had a cutout in the middle and the sides were attached. The first night he had free with the next morning off we went see a comedian and I drank quite a bit. I got up to go the bathroom, and I was pretty far gone. When I got back I made my way back to our table and decided I wanted to go back to our hotel *edited- use your imagination* As soon as I sat down I leaned over to tell my husband*edited* about my new lingerie and what I planned. Imagine my stinking drunk horror when my husband got up from a table next to me and walked over. &^%&#!! *edited* I was whispering to some drunk guy, who was digging it. OHMYGOSH. I practically passed out walking back to our room, and did pass out as soon as I hit the bed. What a waste of an $80 dollar bra and panties.

The next morning I woke up feeling awful and decided that swimming would help clear my head and ease my headache. I put on my new suit, left my husband sleeping in, and headed to the pool.  I hadn’t stayed too long in the water because it was more crowded than I thought it would be for before 11 am. When I got back, my husband started laughing like a hyena. He wouldn’t tell me what was so funny. I went to shower. And saw in the mirror that I had put on my new suit with the bottom twisted so it was inside out. Somehow the paper crotch protector strip was still stuck on, too. I had been swimming like that, there were kids and families at the pool and I was just doing the breaststroke with my crotch protector.  Call me sexy. I didn’t go on another business trip with him for over 8 more years!

Face Palm Friday 9/9

I wish I could say that today’s Face Palm happened many years ago…but it was just last month.

I was at Fred Meyer and I was in their natural foods section. I left my cart at the end of the aisle and was wandering up and down looking at this and that. After a while I found the products I was looking for and put them in my cart and headed to the check out. As I was walking away a woman came rushing towards me saying ” GIVE THAT BACK!”  Uhh..not sure what her issues were but I smiled and said “Excuse me?” She said (quite loudly again) ” GIVE ME BACK MY PURSE!”  Okay – WHAT??? “YOU TOOK MY PURSE AND MY CART!!”
I look down, yep, I took her purse and her cart. It was easy to see how, her stuff was all in the bottom and the child seat where I put my flax and couscous was empty. Like my cart. And she had a gallon of milk, like I did. But my cart was on the opposite side of the aisle. I stammered some sort of apology about my mistake, stuck my foot in my mouth when I said she shouldn’t leave her purse unattended (really, Marie? why?) nowadays, and tried to explain ( she wasn’t buying it, you could tell) and raced over to my cart and got the heck outta the store. I paid first  (!)  I am contemplating a disguise next time I go to Freddie’s.

Face Palm Friday 8/19

Way back when my kids were little, I had them and 3 other kidlets I was babysitting for the day with me in town. It was hot, the kids were hungry and cranky and I knew they couldn’t make it till we got home for lunch so I pulled in to a fast food place drive thru. After ordering, I pulled ahead to pay for my order and exchanged chit chat with the cashier. She handed me back my change and I drove away. Without our food! I was actually at least a block away before I realized what  I had done and the kids realized they didn’t get their food! Oh geez. I drove back through the line, and sheepishly got my bags ( the cashier was cracking up) and divvied it up between the kiddos. I decided we were done for the day and went home.

Face Palm Friday 8/12

This is a quick one.

 

Many , many years ago, when I first moved out on my own, sometimes I wouldn’t see my mom that often. So it was really cool when one day at the grocery store, I see her just turning at the end of the aisle I’m on. My mom was hard to miss in those days, she had a yellow fleece jacket cut like a men’s suit coat she wore everywhere and always had a bunch of keys jangling where she kept them clipped onto her purse. Her hair used to be short and black and curly. I see that she is going to turn on to the next aisle so I jog down to catch her, following that key jangling sound. I get there just as she is heading up the next aisle in the opposite direction and grab her from behind and give her a big old bear hug. I kiss her cheek and say something like “Oooh, gotcha  mom! hi ! I love you!!”  She is kinda squirmy. She turns around and ….it’s not my momma. Oops. Between the keys, the jacket and the hair- from behind she looked exactly like my mom. Ah well.

 

**There isn’t a link up this week as the widget isn’t loading**

 

Face Palm Friday 8/05

Welcome to Face Palm Friday. This will be an ongoing meme, where you can share  your embarrassing blunders and sticky situations. Link up below.
Face Palm Friday 8/05
This Friday I’m going to share one of my, er…finer moments. NOT.
Several years ago, when we were getting ready to move into this house, I called a local store asking if they had any cardboard boxes.They said yes, told me who to ask for and when I could drive over and pick them up. When I arrived, I located “Jeff” ( not his name, I can’t remember it now) and told him why I was there. Right from the get go, I noticed two things. One, Jeff was a cutie and two, he was totally staring at me when I was talking.
I’m not into attention from guys. I’m very happily married and I’m just not interested in checking anyone out. However, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t pretty flattered that this guy was acting like I was the most fascinating person he’d ever met. His eyes never left my face.We got it worked out that I would go get my rig and drive around to the back of the store and I could load my boxes from there. When I got there, he was with another guy and brought him over to introduce me. Okay, I’m sorry but I’m feeling good about myself now. I mean how can you help it? His buddy was also really attentive and they asked questions and made small talk like we were at a party. Wow. So going to make sure Mr. Howard would hear all about this when I got home. Anyway, I finally have the boxes, say thank you and goodbye and go on to my next stop. When I am at the next store to pick up a few things on my list, I stop to use the bathroom first. When I’m done and go to wash my hands, I glance at myself in the mirror. I stop. Look again. My nose is a little red because of my allergies, but that’s not it. I HAVE A LITTLE FLAP OF SKIN HANGING FROM THE SIDE OF ONE NOSTRIL—IT FLAPS BACK AND FORTH WHEN I BREATHE!!!! Oh my gosh. He so wasn’t into me. He was mesmerized by the little windsock hanging from my nose. I stood there and watched how it fluttered.  It would suck in and sort of hang suspended in front of my nostril when I inhaled and flap and flutter wildly with each exhale. Yeah, I’m a man eater alright! I didn’t tell Mr. Howard after all.

Face Palm Friday 7/29

I’m going to share one of my mom’s Face Palm moments with you today.
About twenty some odd years ago my mom worked at Mariposa at the mall. After she had been there for a while, she started getting whistled at every time she would pass a certain group of stores at the entrance/exit of the mall closest to where she worked. She’d walk by and some guy is doing a wolf whistle. Mom is feeling pretty good. We hear about it at home of course, and mom makes sure dad knows that some guy is thinking she’s hot. This goes on for weeks. We hear about it for weeks.One day mom decides to maybe try and find out just who it is that is crushing on her, but no luck. Until she goes into the pet store….and finds out her admirer is a Parrot.Dad decided he wasn’t jealous of a bird.

FacePalm Friday

Welcome to Face Palm Friday. This will be an ongoing meme, where you can share  your embarrassing blunders and sticky situations. Link up below.

 

FacePalm Friday 7/22

Several months ago I was working with two Pr reps with the same name, just different spellings. One was “Jane” one was “Jayne” (not their real names) One of them was repping an odor eliminator, and the other was working for a higher end hair care line. Now, I really, really liked both products. The shampoo and conditioner were excellent and the odor eliminator was by far the best one I’d ever used. I sprayed the odor elim all over my house, in the old work truck, in the dog’s beds, under the sink, all over an old chair, on my couch I mean everywhere. I was super excited at how really effective it was. Remember we have 5 dogs, a cat, a couple of birds, a hedgehog and chickens. A fish, too but he doesn’t stink. So I just sprayed everything till the first bottle was gone. I ended up writing to Jane about how awesome her product was. I told her all about the various ways I’d used it, you know, the dog smells, the old truck upholstery, my furniture.

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